Busyssssss day....

Super duper busy today in the ward... Admission one by one...
Transfer in case... Walao... Really makes my time fully occupied...
Today the case is so xxxxx
First time in my life....
He keep on vomit blood.. Is fresh fresh blood...Can u imaging the reddish color blood keep throwing out from mouth... He wet the whole bed with blood , I was shocked... Unfortunately I was too busy with my own patient... Not really know how they manage it... After all , being incubated and sedated.... Haiz... Another unfortunate life...
Transfusion in progress.. Just like one way in one way out... wasted????
Another ah po... Seizures ++++ kesian la.. Until so looks so tired.... Scary...
U know what... Beginning of the shift they were asking me to take off... Showing face to me cos I am not picking up the phone... Anyway I am not intention to do that... Cannot blame me k!!!
Then today I managed to settle 3 cases for them... Of course with help la.,,.
I am not useless ok... 2 admission and one transfer out case.. I felt a little bit proud of myself.. Hehe
Still got story to tell....
The first time listen to a dr SINGING to me via phone... I was angry actually..
Wakakaaka... I kept quite let him sing la.... Then finally he shut his mouth and listen to what is important... I know is my fault to call him up inform the result..... But can't u forgive..... Who u think u are.... How are u going to gain respect from others... Please behave la....

The end....

可以不要在这个时候跟我唱反调吗！
他老是得寸进尺，总以为你让了他一次，我就得听他的。
他是男人，一个大男人，我不懂要怎样了解。
或许'他''说得对，有了钱的男人最不好爱，他们总是会在你的背后做些你不知道的事情。
其实我也容忍了。当作什么也不知道，毕竟男人还是男人。



而我，是女人，一个会哭泣的女人。
一个不能接受被男人玩弄，欺骗的女人。
我得到物质上的需求，但是我在怀疑那些是否用来赎罪的物品
我有的是学问，他有的是金钱，
我要的是爱，他要的是什么我不懂！

我只想他会觉悟，金钱不是生命的一切！

Felt so emo now...
I did not know how can I express
The problem is I am not allow to express here..
I wish I could get a hug and say to mr that: Mei, dun worry, is your first time, u done a good job and can do better the next time...
Mei.. Things happened unpredictable... Not your fault...
好内疚，我难受，我可以吗？好像承受不了了，对不起，或许不是我你就不会这样了。

《对不起》 这是我最想要的

为什么是你惹得祸却要我去面对，
为什么你们就不要直接去追问他，
反而要来我传话，
但你们都不知道我被他当成疯婆了，
一直只会在唠叨， 阻止他办事的疯婆。
我真的要疯了。
为了那件事，
对我不闻不问，
整天只会忙着关心其他人， 人家的太太，
而我呢？ 我的存在呢？
你有没有想过！
一整天在一起相处， 看电影，一句对话也没有，
一声轻轻的问候也没有。
当你出现在我身边， 你有真正陪过我吗?
手机就是一直打， 打个不停！
你以为我是陪客女郎吗?
在我给你知道我想法的时候，
你只会走着眉头拒绝我，你知道那种心痛的感觉吗？
在我难得休假的时候你总是有事忙，
偏偏在我工作的时候你能和朋友出去吃喝玩乐!
我还在吗?
我很渴望你的一句对不起，
而不是当作什么都没发生过，
你有的压力， 我也是有.
为什么偏偏是我，
要选上这条路？
其实我真的后悔过，也想放过，
但真的是爱的太深了.
或许保持沉默是最好的武器吧！
友情比爱情更可靠!

Imbalance..

work... family... relationship...
seems like i am not doing well in handling these three things!
which sometimes i almost want to give up..
relationship doesn't work when i need,
but it aspect me to give a hand when it needs,
i should says that is a must to sacrified into relationship..
it increase my burden from time to time...
and almost get drowning...
i thought after working it will be change..
but is different with the reality.
i need your patience, motivation and a warm hug from u...
but it never reach me..
work is the most horrible life..
i never thought that it will be so scarry..
i din happy at all in these field..
phobia to work..
everyday be prepared to received "shoot" from senior..
no mistakes allow..
but i am still new.. can't u just give me a chance..
everyday i am so stress to go for work..
thinking i have done the best,
but it will never reach your expectation.
u have accept my weakness, but never give me space for growth..
the trend will never end once u survive in CHINESE community!
this is what we usually said : senior bully Junior
what i do is just for the sake of my patient..
doesn't mean to be better than u..
i wish i could enjoy my working life.
Family..
the best supporter i guess..'
spending most of the time with them..
sometimes make me felt guity i have not enough time to complete my assignment..
poor time management

i am so dilemma..
what should i do...

I have been stop Update my blog for quite a long time. This is because I have no time to visit here.. People in the college or uni always say that they stress. Same as me. For me, as we still alive and survive in this world, stress will not disappear. Stress in Study, working, maintaining relationship.... Many many stresses... The important way to go through it is think positively.. Even though it is really hard for us to be positive, just take a try.. Believe in ourself!

Tired!!!

The first day of work! I felt so tired! Until I have the thought of gave up anything!

昨夜的心声

本来我是想就这样让它过去，可是我的行动太愚蠢了！ 他们都认为我这样做太幼稚了。我是很想找个人来听听我的心声，好让我减轻我的纳闷！可是叻，找家人聊不就让他的印象扣分了。 找上朋友，他们会不会嘲笑我，“嘿,这是你自找的！”我很害怕朋友们对我有这种看法。所以我选择保持沉默，但我还是会控制不住我的心情，结果就把发泄在他的身上。 或许你们看到的就只是我的幼稚，可是你们根本没有了解我为何会那么做。要是我把事情的来龙去脉告诉你们，你们对他会有怎样的看法！因为你们的妹妹将会把终身幸福寄托给一个那样的人。我也很矛盾，我相信在这世界上会有因果报应，拿了人家的，终会要你还回。但会不会要牺牲你身边的人，还是你自己承担你所做的，是上天的决定，可是你有权力阻止这一切的发生，但你选择不！爱一个人就要接受他的全部，不管是好是坏！我觉得我爱他，但是我并不能接受他的贪念！我还爱算是爱他吗？我是否因该和我家人商量，要是他还是坚持他的做法，而我家人又反对，那我该怎么办？只想跟你们说，我需要的是你们的支持，而不是讽刺！感谢阿茂昨夜的陪伴，虽然只是聊闲话，但至少帮我转移了我的痛！每个人都会在舞会为什么我和你的感情会那么好，这就是因为你往往是把我骂醒的那个人！让我从另一个角度想！我们的友谊真棒！还有谢谢你的草莓HL牛奶，代替了我的午餐，晚餐还有宵夜！心事如果没有说出来，又有谁会知道呢

8-1-2011

今天的我们本来是开开心心出门的，一开始在车上是有说有笑的，可是在接下去的路程并不是那么理想。
突然有个感觉，觉得累了，突然觉得自己的负担加重了。 身为班长，对我来说果然是一个挑战，要把一个班搞好，让大家对我们六个好印象，真的不容易！同学不合作-最大的问题！这个班长因为英文讲得不好，没有说服力。 唉,真是不容易！ 可是在他们需要你的时候就会纠缠不清！ 哇靠！受不了。回到家，还是一样，问题又出现了！请不走的神仙！大家的心情对他起了变化。又离家出走了！她. 带给了我们大大的问题！团团转的家里。今天的重点是，我得他又来了！他告诉我，我今晚要下去城市一趟，哦！我要跟我的朋友商量开店的事情。 《马机》我最讨厌人家碰这些赌博的东西了，现在你还要跟我说你制造机会给人家去犯罪！我真地接受不了！他现在他踏在这条路我已经在迁就了，我现在真的觉得他在得寸进尺。我就在一旁照顾病人，积点公德，他就在一旁做这些骗人家的事！我的心真的很难受！难道就不能跟我商量吗，还是我还没有权利干涉他的事情！

我的朋友再哪里

陈伟权 陈精玲
庄文安 庄绿敏
邱正元 林仪恒
阮玲玲 唐幸娟
梁宝莹 涂佑诚
涂茂盛 涂俪媚
李素芬 何进维
卢雯秀 杨碧珠
魏秀珠 谢绿芳
陈莉娜 林陪润
沙富安 索列
涂佩莹

成功把小学六年级的同学给记起来了！

1253am 10-12-2010 pm shift at s2

I am looking forward for my holiday...
I just finished my shower ready to sleep now...
Is very super tired now..
But not in the mood now...
I am gonna have three weeks vacation....
Yes!!!! This is Wat I am waiting for...

My 20th birthday

Is another year again...
Wat makes the different today..
1st I received over hundred wishes from u ppl on the Facebook..
2nd I will not get good performance for my practical, same as previous year..
3rd go and hv dinner with my roomate..candle night dinner... Haha
4th during worship, all the student sing birthday songs for me and prayed for me.... (very paiseh la... Buat bodoh in front) anyway thank you for the prayer
5th I got a necklace from my housemate yene and suet Chen...
6th I got my delivery baskin robin... As my cake, my lame lame junior put a candle on it and again she sing birthday song for me... Wat a special ways of celebration.... Wakaka...
7th hahaha.. Actually all my beloved friends were not forgetting me... Hehehe... I got a birthday cake! Is chocolate plus cheese cake... Emm... A little bit touch lo... Again another birthday song...
So today I got three birthday songs!!!!
Today it may be a precious day for me... But then for someone it may be a bad day... My Mak Pian uncle pass away today... He was my patient before... He is cute and is already very very old man with only spoke Cantonese... May he rest in peace....

悲哀

一次又一次被我看到我最不想看到的你！ 什么时候你才会变回从前的你！还以为是你的在乎所以给我这一切，可是我看到的。 忍吧忍吧，再忍吧。 让自己平静下来准备考试吧！今天就当作是个教训，谁叫你不懂得坚持主见。 望着海，听着海浪声， 一个人凌晨坐在海边的感觉蛮不错的！加油呸！

TIME FOR BLAMMING AGAIN...

oh my god...

Final exam is coming soon...

left 4 more days for me to prepare for 3 subject...

Is really challange me..

No revision week for us..

working more than 8 hours full shift everyday...

physically and emotionally tired...

where to get energy to sit down and do revison...

Working in ward is just practice the skills,

no post conference where to get revision on disease...

Everyday day also serve medcine basic care..

where is the time for case study..

What i can say is all of you are genius...

what u all have gone through doesn't meant that we should have it..

please be more kind and considerate to us laaaaaaa.....

POD

Feeling not bad today..

Manage to function,

even not so good..

but is ok...

able to sleep, able to eat...able to laugh..

Hey friend, dun worry i am ok...

i felt the pain

another attack again ..
i have to handle it wisely, final exam is coming in two one week time,
please give ma a clear mind to do my preparation..
as i cant afford to pay for 60k..
i wish i could be a person without feelings.
i dun not wan to be foolish anymore,
but he seems like can't get what i meant~
why should him blamed on me~
always and always...
forgive and forgive~~ this is what i usually have to do..
or else he will always pretend nothing happen..
but I can't!
i was really tired in handling it
can u just tell me what u want
and can u just listen to me if u still a human being!
What i need is just your support and concern for me to go through the tough time..
Cant u help me...
In your eyes noe is just money and money, friend and friends...
What else u know about me..
i dun not want u to give me your money to replace u..
that is not what i wan..
u were saying your earning money is important,
but how about me..
study and be a nurse also important for me, did you know that.
i am not mad, just stubborn because of u.
I can fully agree that after being in a relationship u will lost all your friends...
it is so true..
i felt innocent...
i was trying to sacrifice my time to accompany him when he requested me to be with him,
even though i was tired, still i following him along to be his "angle" to go wherever he went..
now i felt like this relationship is being replace by money and the materials..
that the pause between u and i...
when will it be the ending...

or there will be no ending between us...
I wish God could treat me fairly...

SORRY...

these few days i was really sad and moody..
i found myself very useless...
i am not so good in handle my problems anymore,
i am not able to accept all the things that happened around me positively...
am i that worst now???

I felt bad towards the patient, another young MR.TAN again..
i was totally not confident toward myself to do any procedures,
again and again my hand was shaking in front of the patient
and the worst thing is he noticed my "parkinson's disease."
I just felt bad for the patient
how can he be so unlucky that get such a nurse to taking care over him.
The first day i did the STO at the nose- hand was super super shaking.... shake until I can't get the knot, until the teacher asked me to take a deep breath, until the patient says your hand shaking kah... SPEECHLESS

2nd day- Suture removal at the hand- hand still shaking... better... but i take long time to hold the suture and cut it... patient's eyes was widely open and look at us,
he must be thinking what am i doing, how can i take so much time to cut the suture...
the situation Is very KAN JIONG....
After that- near the end of the shift, patient said to us: you have to go and find other patient cut already, I have no more suture for you to cut ..
the word seems like so cruel... i know i did so bad towards him and give him a bad impression...
So sorry for frightened him throughout this week.
hope he will get well soon la..

yeah...
加护病房再见咯！
哈哈。。。

mh posting

working in MH is not an easy job..
I was bring my anxiety and scarred feeling all the way to there..
i was having insomnia
i think of the patient
the scarry scene appears when i close my eyes.
i was so scarred throughout the night
the wednesday night
i was so lonelly. i was thiking of having those hallucination also..
i was thinking i am going to admitted to mh hospital soon..
my mind was fully occupied that night..
i think of Melloney, i think of ah choo, i think of salamiah.
their facial expression, their action keep on appearing..
walao...
i was struggling that night..

爱情

其实我很在乎
我为你的付出
你对我的关怀
我真的很在乎

一段感情里
没有了信任
那就不是真正的爱情
我在等待真正的爱情
因为我知道
我们的关系已经变质了

过去的
已经是“曾经”
未来的
还在等待

就让沉默
就让时间
就让勇敢
来带领我走下去