these few days i was really sad and moody..
i found myself very useless...
i am not so good in handle my problems anymore,
i am not able to accept all the things that happened around me positively...
am i that worst now???
I felt bad towards the patient, another young MR.TAN again..
i was totally not confident toward myself to do any procedures,
again and again my hand was shaking in front of the patient
and the worst thing is he noticed my "parkinson's disease."
I just felt bad for the patient
how can he be so unlucky that get such a nurse to taking care over him.
The first day i did the STO at the nose- hand was super super shaking.... shake until I can't get the knot, until the teacher asked me to take a deep breath, until the patient says your hand shaking kah... SPEECHLESS
2nd day- Suture removal at the hand- hand still shaking... better... but i take long time to hold the suture and cut it... patient's eyes was widely open and look at us,
he must be thinking what am i doing, how can i take so much time to cut the suture...
the situation Is very KAN JIONG....
After that- near the end of the shift, patient said to us: you have to go and find other patient cut already, I have no more suture for you to cut ..
the word seems like so cruel... i know i did so bad towards him and give him a bad impression...
So sorry for frightened him throughout this week.
hope he will get well soon la..
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加油！！！你行的！！！！
ReplyDelete"you have to go and find other patient cut already, I have no more suture for you to cut .."
ReplyDeleteif the patient says this to me, i will feel grateful. bcoz he hopes tat we will be improved and be a better nurse.
everyone has their 1st time. i still remember my 1st time doing STO, it was reli very bad. that patient was very fussy, she requested doctor to remove drain for her instead of asking the nurse to do. in the end, the doctor stitch 2 suture on the abdo drain wound, then the next day, the doctor asked us to remove the suture and put a bag, something like colostomy bag onto the wound to allow the dirty thing to free-flow out.
so, she was very afraid, and very doubt whether i could do it well or not. i also doubt, but no choice, i have to do, abo, when can i get my 1st time STO experience? so i do lo.. my hand shake like hell, and the patient was very pain, i cant hold the knob, just like u.. (imagine her suture was jz 2nd day, and i was struggling pulling her knob to cut off the knob, she was reli very pain) some more, i didn't know how to hold the suture, until miss thum oso very gin cheong, she even spoke mandarin to me and asked me not to gin cheong.. only 2 knob, but i did very badly, and took long time to finish it! the patient even 翻白眼 to me after that..
but still, i felt satisfactory. coz i gained a exp..
pls dont feel bad abt urself, when negative things attack us, it will affect everything surrounds us, even our works, even our patient.
but really, when i was a patient, i kept thinking back last time how i care about patient.. i felt guilty coz i didn't really empathy them.. we have to empathy them, but not 责怪自己.. no point for us to 责怪自己.. the most important thing we have to learn from mistakes and do it better than the previous one! dun make urself too much pressure.. abo, u wont enjoy ur works.. u will always pressurized by all these stress..
regard,
rouyi =)
thank you so much for your good words..
ReplyDeletebut i was really stressed up last week, i get bad comment from mdm ooi, really cannot accept it. "how can a year 3 student dunno the principle to serve medication... Not sure... how can be a staff nurse...
why are u not doing procedure with me!"
i was really upset with myself... i need to take care of 5 patient and i need to look after the 5 juniors, all the paper work they not sure, "can u please help me to counter check BP "these are the things that i need to double work.sometimes i not prepared to do some procedure, but others ask me to do it with madam, i was so afraid... i found the days were tougher and tougher...
force to smile everyday which actually you even dun have a time to think for how to be happy...
sometimes even want to BO also no have the time..
this was my life...